Healthy Social Connections
The importance of a healthy social life cannot be overestimated. Human beings are social creatures, and as one study author put it, social contact is so important that social isolation is an effective form of torture. (1) According to Psychology Today, loneliness makes us feel threatened and insecure (2).
Given our psychological need for social contact, it shouldn’t be a surprise that social interactions play a huge role in our physical health. According to one study, strong social connections lead to a 50% increased chance of longevity. Weak social connections, on the other hand, have been found to be more dangerous to health than obesity, high blood pressure, and even smoking. (3)
Positive social interactions with your social group encourage good habits and/or discourage unhealthy habits like drinking, smoking, unhealthy eating, and a sedentary lifestyle. (4) However, the effects of positive contacts go beyond habits; positive interactions benefit immune, endocrine, and cardiovascular systems, and in general reduce the physiological effects of stress on the body.
It’s not enough to have people in your life: those relationships need to contribute to a sense of belonging to a group and a feeling of closeness to other individuals. (5) While many people experience those benefits from interactions with family and co-workers, many times those relationships can be sources of stress. Most people can’t avoid all relationship stresses, which is one more reason why it’s important to create more positive relationships.
Many people, regardless of setting, experience higher levels of social isolation than their ancestors might have. As a result, you may feel like you lack the resources to make new, adult friendships. A strategy that works for many people is join an organization, take a class, or go to a meeting focused on something they’re already interested in — whether that’s comic books, running, or gardening — so they can meet people with similar interests. Be aware that in most cases you might not immediately click with someone, and that’s okay. It takes time to get to know people, and it takes time to decide if you want to pursue a deeper connection with someone. In general, cultivating meaningful relationships takes time and effort. It requires opening up and actively listening to the other person. (6)
Once you've identified people whose company you enjoy and established the beginnings of a friendship, it's important to keep up the effort. According to We Should Get Together by Kat Vellos, the single most important thing that takes relationships from casual acquaintances to deep friendships is "doubling down on showing up" (7). This goes beyond keeping commitments you've made with people, although that's hugely important. Once you've established a relationship, nurture it. Make it a habit to check in with people, even if it's not linked to an event. Regular communication with people will deepen your connections to them.
Given our psychological need for social contact, it shouldn’t be a surprise that social interactions play a huge role in our physical health. According to one study, strong social connections lead to a 50% increased chance of longevity. Weak social connections, on the other hand, have been found to be more dangerous to health than obesity, high blood pressure, and even smoking. (3)
Positive social interactions with your social group encourage good habits and/or discourage unhealthy habits like drinking, smoking, unhealthy eating, and a sedentary lifestyle. (4) However, the effects of positive contacts go beyond habits; positive interactions benefit immune, endocrine, and cardiovascular systems, and in general reduce the physiological effects of stress on the body.
It’s not enough to have people in your life: those relationships need to contribute to a sense of belonging to a group and a feeling of closeness to other individuals. (5) While many people experience those benefits from interactions with family and co-workers, many times those relationships can be sources of stress. Most people can’t avoid all relationship stresses, which is one more reason why it’s important to create more positive relationships.
Many people, regardless of setting, experience higher levels of social isolation than their ancestors might have. As a result, you may feel like you lack the resources to make new, adult friendships. A strategy that works for many people is join an organization, take a class, or go to a meeting focused on something they’re already interested in — whether that’s comic books, running, or gardening — so they can meet people with similar interests. Be aware that in most cases you might not immediately click with someone, and that’s okay. It takes time to get to know people, and it takes time to decide if you want to pursue a deeper connection with someone. In general, cultivating meaningful relationships takes time and effort. It requires opening up and actively listening to the other person. (6)
Once you've identified people whose company you enjoy and established the beginnings of a friendship, it's important to keep up the effort. According to We Should Get Together by Kat Vellos, the single most important thing that takes relationships from casual acquaintances to deep friendships is "doubling down on showing up" (7). This goes beyond keeping commitments you've made with people, although that's hugely important. Once you've established a relationship, nurture it. Make it a habit to check in with people, even if it's not linked to an event. Regular communication with people will deepen your connections to them.
Special Considerations
Some people may find meeting new people more difficult for a variety of reasons. If you’re a classic introvert — someone who tires from long interactions with people, even those whose company you enjoy — it’s important to honor what works for your personality. Here are some tips to keep in mind:- Decide whether to participate based on your interest. Do you genuinely want to watch the movie? Will there be at least one person you’d enjoy hanging out with?
- It’s okay to leave a party or gathering early, especially if you’re overwhelmed. If you know that you can handle two hours of interaction before you’re worn out, tell the organizer or host ahead of time that you’ll need to leave early.
- You don’t have to say yes to every gathering, even if it’s with people you know you like. Get used to using the word “No”, and don’t feel obligated to make excuses. Be polite, but if anyone asks, tell them you have an important self-care appointment.
Too much of a good thing?
Even those of us who are lucky to have a supportive group of friends can go through periods where they’re overwhelmed with activity, even if all of it is good. Feel good about taking time for yourself to regroup and recharge, and don’t worry — your real friends will be there for you when you’re ready to come back.
Back: Humility (A Pillar of Joy)
Next: Intellectual Stimulation (Breakout)