Eight Pillars of Joy: Compassion
Develop a concern for others’ well-being
Acting compassionately often causes others to do the same
Practice self-compassion
In order to understand what compassion is, it is necessary to understand empathy, which is the base of compassion. Empathy is the experience of someone else’s emotions. With empathy, you share those emotions and understand where they come from. Compassion is feeling motivated to improve their situation, whatever it is. But compassion is also a circle. You need to have self-compassion before you can have compassion for others, yet you also need compassion for others in order to boost your own self-compassion.
While it may be understandable that people should be most concerned with their own well-being and that of their immediate family, there are arguments that compassion, or concern for another’s welfare, has aided human survival during our evolution (1). Certainly, directing our concern outside of ourselves can make our own problems seem less important, as well as help us put our circumstances into perspective. Did you know that when you act compassionately it lights up the same reward centers in the brain as when you eat chocolate? Think on that for a moment. All you need to do is help someone else to make yourself feel good. This is known as the “helper’s high,” which not only encourages you to continue doing good, but also decreases stress in your body (2). Doesn’t that sound good?
Many people are fearful of compassion because they think it makes them weak, whether they direct it at themselves or at someone else. They are afraid that if someone is compassionate toward them, that person will want something in return. But think on this: Team Rubicon is a disaster response organization with over 120,000 volunteers made up of military veterans willing to go wherever disaster strikes to help those in need, whether it’s mucking out houses from flooding or getting vaccines to the people. They don’t ask for anything in return. Their website specifically states, “At our core, Team Rubicon is about neighbors helping neighbors. When crisis strikes our communities, we come together to help others on their darkest day. Why do we serve? Because it’s what we do.” Being compassionate toward others comes when there is a need and an ability to help aid that need, even if all you are able to do is pray for that person or group.
Before you can give compassion for others, you must be able to give compassion to yourself. How do you do this? Kristin Neff, a psychologist and author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, says we should be accepting of our flaws and remember that we are not alone with them. When times are difficult, we should be kind to ourselves as we would be to someone else in the same situation. There is no space here for rejection or self-judgement, which has the capacity to make you feel worse. Remember, all humans are vulnerable in various situations and all of us have limits to what we can achieve, no matter who we are.
“Compassion is a sense of concern that arises when we are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to see that suffering relieved. Compassion is what connects the feeling of empathy to acts of kindness, generosity, and other expressions of altruistic tendencies.” - Jinpa, A Fearless Heart
Exercises
- What do you feel compassionate about? Who do you feel compassionate for?
- Where does your compassion lead you toward acts of kindness?
- Think of a small thing you can do to help others, such as holding the door for someone with a mobility aid.
- Now, think of a larger act you can do to help others, such as donating time or money to a disaster relief organization.
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